Lighter

I did an experiment today. It wasn't intended to be an experiment, it was just supposed to be a walk. I left the house with only a set of keys for a 20-minute brisk walk. It took me a while to decide to do this. I don't really usually like leaving the house, especially not alone. This is not because of safety issues.

So, as I used to do especially right when I first got here, I let myself walk in whatever direction I liked, turning when I pleased, with the vague idea of reaching either a park half an hour away or a neighboring district (maybe 15 minutes away). The idea of walking - no, the actual walking with no possessions on my person save for my keys and the clothes on my back, as it were, was physically light. I generally like to lug around my (currently) 6 x 8.5 inch journal, pen and marker, book to read, wallet, tissues, a water bottle, and (recently) a set of colored pencils. Individually, they are all light enough, but together they form a collective burden on walks exceeding 15 minutes.

The going out without money was interesting too. I have a friend who did an experiment where she would go out with neither money nor possessions on alternate days for a period of her life. She had to walk everywhere, even if she had an appointment all the way across the city unless she had a ride from someone (no possessions = no car and no cash and so no cabs).

Like my friend, the lack of possessions carried with cut down on my options. No stopping for coffee or buying something impulsively or giving a dollar to someone asking for change. I always think that money gives people options, in a bigger sense. And there is of course the inherent assumption that options are good. More options is just better. I'm not saying I want to wake up tomorrow morning and discover my bank account has been depleted - and there is no point in glorifying poverty from a position of privilege like the one I have essentially been born into. I guess I'm just saying that options, in certain contexts, can be maddening, and I think can create shortened attention spans. I rotate in five-minute intervals between crocheting granny squares for a blanket, perusing my laptop and the time-consuming wonders of the internet, reading an Italian-American woman's 'food memoir', and checking my new cookbooks for recipes to try. Sitting on the lime green couch in my living room, surrounded by my things, switching back and forth from one activity to another, not knowing which to focus on, because there are so many choices at my fingertips.

Processing work

A lot of work these days, punctuated/ ameliorated with listening to the Juno soundtrack.

Yesterday I went to a lecture about writing by playwright Naomi Wallace - I hadn't heard about her before. It was a pretty good lecture, about teaching students to write as an act of transgression. Very Marxist undertones, which made me want to know more about Marxism. I think the lecture and the combination of working a lot contributed.

My academic exposure to Marx was limited to The Communist Manifesto and Hegel, who inspired Marx with the things he wrote about work. The last philosophy paper (maybe the last last paper) I wrote in university was for my Hegel class and titled "Process and Product: Labor, its Fruits, and Our Relationship to Both" and actually included Hegel and Marx (and Levinas).

Now (right now) - yes, I opened the paper to reread it - it's on my computer - and I am half-thinking of going back to school to do my master's in philosophy... Part of what I didn't like about writing for university was the fact that I felt it was in such a bubble - nobody was thinking about this stuff, it's so far removed from most people's lives, and worse, nobody besides my professor and friends was reading it.

I don't know if those things bother me so much now. I'm not sure if I'm really cut out for journalism, if that's what I really want to do. I think (thought) what I want is to write about myself, essays.

I know this isn't very well thought-out... but I'll post it now in the immediacy of the internet and try and actually commit to something clearer later.

Return of the Last Man/Girl

I used to think when I was younger that if you knew what the right thing to do was, you would just do it. If you didn't do it, it meant you didn't really think it was the right thing to do. It's kind of like what Plato says, about how humans strive after the Good, and in a sense everything you do is good. Every decision you make is because you think it is the best decision.

But it's not really true. Or maybe it's related to short-term versus long-term happiness. I know I should exercise instead of sitting on the internet two hours in a row. I know I shouldn't stay in my pajamas til noon, and that I should send out a few emails. And I really should. It would really be better. So now I know you can know the right thing to do, but still ditch it.

To throw in another philosopher, we can turn to Nietzsche and the Last Man. The Last Man (who I've mentioned before here) is concerned about being comfortable, not being great. The Nietzschean Superman (or Uber/Over Man, if you prefer) knows what he wants and does it. He does not play video games and watch season 6 (?) of Lost back to back. Instead he spends his days perfecting his true life calling, always striving to improve. I need to be a little less Last Man, a little more Uber Girl.

Since I've Been Back

I'm back! Actually I've been back, but I've had no real idea about what to post. My camera is still at camera intensive care at the edge of civilization, although granted, I do have access to my sister's camera.

I am technically unemployed, or de facto unemployed, I'm not sure, but no day job to speak of at any rate, but still, I feel like I am on vacation, which I didn't feel before. A structureless, anything-goes-anytime feeling prevails. Which makes it sound like I am living it up hippy-style, which let me be the first to point out, I'm not. Just that no routine is really prevailing, my sleep patterns are off, etc.

It's okay. It's kind of fun, even. Since I've been back, I've baked a casserole (very successful), scones (turned out more like pancakes), and laid the foundation for vinegar mushrooms (very successful once more Laid the foundation in this case means I chopped mushrooms and garlic, opened to the recipe, and told my sister to finish it up since I had to leave the house). [I bought Vegan with a Vengeance, a rightly popular vegan cookbook, where I found all these recipes].

I've also played squash, which I haven't done in the past five years or even longer, and racket.

I taught my usual origami class, only to watch one of the most into-it kids leave to join the science group. And my other kids decide to join the painting group. See the problems with choice and freedom?

Oh, and last August is when I started this blog, so that's either a good thing, or time for you to tell me to stop wasting my time.

**

I just added the title and I must say I dig how it sounds like an old soul song. I can hear it being crooned now, "since I've been back..." If only the events described fit the song's ambiance.

I took a break

I took a break yesterday. I met the one-week blog challenge, posting everyday for a week. I'm trying to acquire new habits: daily exercise, blogging, the daily cartoon.

According to Gretchen Rubin at the Happiness Project blog, the way to maintain your exercise regimen is to never skip more than one day. Gretchen says: "Never skip exercising for two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise no matter how inconvenient."

I think the same applies to anything you want to do on a regular basis, like the things I listed above.

Still, you have to fight. It feels you have to fight. After all, isn't the 'natural' impulse laziness? (See last post, plus think of that physics theory (I think it's entropy) that says things revert to their lowest (or laziest) state.) So unless you are breathing down your own neck to get things done, things that you say you want to do, nothing gets done.

keri smith once wrote on her blog (an excerpt from the longer entry):

What if all you had to do was to "do nothing"? The fear in my mind says all hell will break loose, or the opposite, nothing will get done. I might fall into the abyss along with everything in my life. people would yell. the house would be a mess. no, the house would be gone, i would be out on the street begging for food. (does that count as doing nothing? or is that something?)

Isn't the zen way to let go, to truly do nothing and see what happens? But if you let go, as keri wonders, the house could "be gone" and you could be "out on the street."

Is there some kind of perfect balance between just being/ doing nothing and doing things? Is it really a struggle, or dare I use the word, kind of jihad, fighting to make things better better better?

Running Away Theory

I have this theory, that as soon as people are presented with what they claim they want most, they run away. Then again maybe it's not everyone, maybe it's me and a few people I've observed. The person who wants to make more friends yet turns down opportunities to hang out with new people. The dude who wants to get a date but runs away if someone shows interest (even if he happens to be interested as well).

I guess it's fear based; fear of success, fear of failure, they are almost the same thing, or at least they seem to make people behave in similar ways. Of course, sometimes it isn't just an opportunity that knocks, but more or less exactly what you wanted that jumps into your lap, and indeed it was invited, by you.

I have no remedy for this as of now.

Heat and Hatred in Cairo

The heat of the summer seems to have gotten everyone around me in a bad mood. Or at least definitely me. S. thinks it's the lack of escape from chaotic Cairo, which everyone seems to agree needs to be escaped on at least a semi regular basis.

The heat hasn't let up, but my hatred has, for at least a little while. Long enough for me to, in the little cracks between hating, think of ideas of things to do in an upcoming zine workshop I want to conduct.

No, I haven't conducted a workshop before, and yes, I'm excited.

I think the idea was at least partially inspired by finding my beloved missing "Invincible Summer" zine anthology by Nicole J Georges.

Also (this is kind of to a side) I am really loving Summer Pierre's blog these days. She just posted a variation of her 'traditional' fliers that she does - leading me to dig into the archives of other wonderful fliers she's done - an illustration a day combined with stories from her past. Very inspiring and just cool to look at. Plus they're cross posted on her blog itself (the archives link takes you to flickr).

Back to battling the heat. And Cairo.

(not being a) Ex-phil major

Well it's the last day of the year. I'm thinking very abstract thoughts these days, and not in that intelligent ex-phil major with too much time on their hands kind of a way, but the kind of thinking that seems to go nowhere. Just leading you around in circles.

Anyway, I found a link off that Happiness Project blog that I'm strangely fond of these days. Strange because it doesn't seem totally up my alley... But anyway. So it's an article about how to be interesting, in case that is something you need to do. So happy New Year, if you are inclined to celebrate. (Can you guess that I'm not very?)

Late Night Tahyees

Hey... It seems this month people are getting married right left and center. Crazy. Not crazy to get married exactly but just crazy the rate at which it seems to be taking place in my vicinity this month.

(Please bear in mind that I am not one of those people).

In other news... there isn't much. I finally sketched a little today, well actually drew, more (or further) than my plebeian sketching. I think Saturday's SketchCrawl helped unblock a little (I did a few sketches on Saturday). And today I broke out of my journal, which was definitely good. Nothing fancy, just plain white A4, but still a bit more liberating than my small black spiral-bound notebook.

Well I would share a few photos of all this stuff, and I will, but my camera was ... what, swallowed by the dog then kidnapped with a ransom of 10 million Big Macs which I refuse to buy because I don't want to support an obnoxious American corporation? Something like that. We compromised on 10 thousand Veggie burgers though (still from the big M).

Ah late night tahyees.

You already know the deal with Friday, if you don't, scroll down a little, your mouse won't bite (it shouldn't if you speak gently and make no sudden movements).

Anyway if you are reading this I will probably SMS you with relevant details.

Cheers all.

Films, Book, Nano update

• Things I am trying to do: Go to the film festival and go to the newly discovered independent film festival (not the same). Unfortunately can't find a link to the latter right now. But will keep you posted. Clicking on the Conference Schedules tab will link you to the when what where of the movies.
  
• This is a really good article I read a long time ago about agribusiness... potatoes, genetic engineering, McDonalds. Okay, so this article inspired a woman called Ruth Ozeki to write a really good book called All Over Creation, which is a novel that deals with these same themes (plus has a good plot). The article is Playing God in the Garden and it's by Michael Pollan and it was published originally in the New York Times Sunday Magazine back in 1998, but you can now read it online for free. To educate you about what's up with GM food. Incidentally, Ozeki also has a blog that is worth checking out but sadly it seems like it's been ages since she last posted.
• I just wanted to add the thing I forgot in the last post: that I finished nano. I wrote 50,000 words (+) in November by hook or by crook. And I will start editing in January I think (I need a little break before I look back). I think it will probably successfully whittle down to a twenty-page story or so.
  

Where I want to go

Hi kids.

This is where I want to go, really badly: Charleston, where the Bloomsbury Group used to go to chill out... (Virginia Woolf was one of the most famous members of the group). Unfortunately Charleston is in Sussex, England. So yeah the cool thing about this house is that Vanessa Bell and Duncan Grant painted the furniture and walls... I have a small pamphlet with a few photos and it does look really nice.

If you want to live in the trees, this article at Supernaturale could help.

There was one more thing but it's gone. Flew out of my head.

Till later then.

Middle Eastern Super Heros, Fighting the Man, & More

- "First Middle Eastern Super Heros" - apparently some of the creators are AUC alum. An interview with them if you follow the link.

- "Independent Bloggers" - You too can start your own blog. Plus you can type in Arabic. And rate people's posts.

- A great article! How to fight The Man - strategies to resist corporate control. "25 Simple Things You Can Do To Keep Your Money From The Corporations." By Jeffrey Yamaguchi, who also runs the 52 Projects website.

and... Zinebook.com. Lots of stuff about zines. Including what they are & how to make your own. Check out the interviews with zine editors (I love interviews).

I guess that's it for now. Take care everyone in blog world.

Dino Comics; il kobry

Good news: I have a great link for today! Rejoice, comic lovers and also comic not-minders. It is Dinosaur Comics. It predictably features dinosaurs, and I found it featured on the good Jim Munroe's website, No Media Kings. So double link then, because both sites are worth checking out, dudes.

Featured in the photos: On the left, a sign that says Obeying Traffic Lights is a Civilized Behavior, and below, a lovely view of the billboards on a certain bridge we all know and love. (Guess which?).

Til later, cheers.

P.S. The creator of Dinosaur Comics, Ryan North, appears to have a pretty cool livejournal thingie that should also be checked out, especially the third post that now appears there.

Speaking of that post (check out the post already so you get what I'm about to say), a word to the wise, using Google as a divining source, especially Google image search, doesn't really work out that well. Still, it's a fun exercise. To try: insert relevant phrase into the google image search and interpret the picture that appears. If you try it with the names of your friends, you'll see what I mean. You could always try Bible dipping, as outlined by Augusten Burroughs in Running with Scissors, his most excellent memoirs. (Bible dipping involves asking a question, flipping through the Bible [feel free I guess to replace with holy text of choice], flipping pages and stabbing your finger at a random word for the answer).

Free hint from me: If you're trying to be a writer sometimes, you can modify the Bible dipping for a cool writing exercise in which you use any book to stab a word then write about it for a certain amount of time (timed writing). It's great.

the worms

It's initially shocking, but also really interesting.

Today I happened to glance at a bowl of dog food left neglected for a few days.

I saw little bits of pasta in the bowl along with other food.

I did a double-take when I saw the little bits of pasta moving around.

Worms... They look really cool actually. Like a scene from an animated movie.

The bowl was in the garage, away from soil, so how did the worms get there? And why on a specific day? I mean the food has been there for a while... so do the worms arrive at a certain stage of decomposing? Aren't they part of the decomposing process? Maybe it's a kind of worm party... they have to be fashionably late. They look pretty interesting the way they move... And some looked like they were getting it on, but who knows? Maybe they're just fighting to eat.

Closer inspection revealed the worms to be even more interesting than just the initial glance allowed. They seem to be segmented, and despite looking for eyes and not being able to tell, this site tells me they have none.

So yeah, in the picture the worms are the things that look like pasta, like I said. I really wish I had some video stuff to show, but limited resources prevent me from doing so.

First post

Who owns the internet? It occurred to me today that I don't know, but somebody must somehow, because you pay rent on websites you operate. And there are companies that buy domain names then sell them to you, but who do they pay? I'm sure someone smarter than me knows. But why is the internet a capitalist commodity anyway?